Thank You

8/31/11
6:46 pm

I'm quite disappointed today. Earlier, I was looking for drop crotch jeans in the mall. I saw one pair though, very nice, but very expensive. I mean, way too expensive. It was just irrationally expensive. Then I found another pair, although I didn't like it as much as the first. Sigh. Oh well. That's my everyday life. Disappointment.

_____________________________

I've been gone for a really long time, I know. I just feel as if I've already used up all the topics worth talking about -- well, okay, that's not true. It's just that nothing has been happening so far that gets me worked up. But maybe I'll talk about something I've always wanted to let all of you know. It's about all of you, readers.

Your hearts are probably beating fast and hard, pushing up the skin above your chest because being the readers of this blog, you all know how horrible of a person I am, so you're all probably expecting me to call you low-life retards. But no. This post tonight is to tell you all what I think of you really.

I know you guys. I know who you people are, so don't think that I don't give a rat's ass about you. You are the very few people I respect, because I know that just by following this piece-of-shit blog, you are open-minded people. Why? Because I am very well aware that my opinions conflict with so many people's, and yet you all still put up with me. You all continue to read about my views in life that I know can get insulting and demeaning and blasphemous. Very blasphemous.
I really do appreciate you guys. Just knowing that there are people (besides my girlfriend of course) who really do read my blog and actually follow it lightens up my mood most of the time. It's nice to know that this diary or journal or whatever of mine actually reaches a lot more people that I had ever hoped. But then again, I was only hoping for one person to read it anyways, so I guess I'm still not great anyways. But then who ever said I was?

I also know that in school (since pretty much all you followers are from my school) I am the biggest asshole to everyone. Well, just pardon my serious expression. Also, I'm just really not the kind of person who likes meeting new people and socializing about topics that don't interest me. If you guys would want to talk about philosophy sometime, then I'm game, but if not, I'd probably have to go to restroom and wash my face forever just to avoid small talk. That's just me. But always know that I'd want to a nicer guy to all of you, but it's just that I'm too much of a jerk to.

_______________________________

So that's pretty much it.
Just wanted to let that all out
Peace.

I'm Not Jesus

08/18/2011
12:59 pm

Ello ello. How do you do on this fine afternoon? So as I sip my tea alongside my pleasant lunch of fish n' chips, I write to you, my dear readers. It's quite early, I know. Astonishing, isn't it? You see, I had only half of the day for my schooling, for we have our periodical exams. Exams. Yes. Stressful tests that are awfully significant to our academic ratings, yet so irrelevant to our lives. Back to our topic though, this electronic public journal that we all know as "blog".

________________________________

So earlier today, I heard some very surprising news from my classmate at school. She said that word was spreading of my being "A.C.". At first, of course, I had no idea what those initials meant, for she had only told me that it was about my religion and that it was "bad". I took some time to figure it out, maybe for 4 minutes at most, and then I realized that she was calling me an antichrist.
She was stating it as if it were the cold hard truth, and she was talking in the manner that was implying that my secret had gone out. In my mind I only thought, "wtf, bitch, I ain't no antichrist", but it made sense, actually. I don't blame them for thinking of me that way -- well, actually I do. But they're children. What are you going to do?
I asked her this question, "So if I were anti-Christ, why would that make me a bad person?" She defended herself with statements that I could not recall. To be honest, if I recall correctly, she had no valid arguments. All she did was disagree to my points. What were my points? Well, let's see here...

Jews are pretty much antichrists, aren't they? Well, in a way. You see, an antichrist refuses the belief that Jesus is the son of God, and that He is the messiah. An antichrist denies the proclaimed divinity of Jesus Christ. Jews don't believe that Christ was the messiah. Jews are still waiting for the old God's promised savior.
Muslims deny the divinity of Jesus Christ. They don't worship Him or praise Him. They acknowledge Jesus as only a mere prophet. But none of you are hating on the Muslims... well, not all of you, at least.
Do you want me to keep going? Of course not. Nobody wants me to keep going, but I still feel that you have not yet gotten my point. Well, here's my point right now: get your facts straight before you claim truth. If you still don't understand that, well, I have a very simple way of stating my point: don't jump to conclusions.

That's not my only point though. That's only the first out of my three points, which are:

• Claiming your statements as truth when your points are false. Check.
• Being judgmental.
• My Religion. Again.

So now we go to being judgmental. I admit that I'm a judgmental son of a bitch, but it's only when we know our own flaws that we can see the flaws of others. A drunkard won't call his friend a drunkard, unless they're both sober... at the moment.
But I don't judge people because of what they are, or what they look like, or what they believe in. I judge people from the things that I know they do. I admit that I think that underage drinkers are shallow and whatnot, but that's just me. Like I said, I'm a judgmental asshole.
But when you're racist, or sexist, or you love to stereotype or generalize people, then you deserve a punch to the face by none other than myself. Why? Because I've never punched anyone in the face in my whole life, but then again, I'm not one for physical pain. I target your emotions.
Think about it this way: you think that antichrists are evil because they don't believe in your savior. Well, here's some news for you: I've never seen Jesus in my life. I've never seen His dad either. I wasn't around when he resurrected. I wasn't around when he walked on water. I wasn't around when he made that blind dude see. I wasn't around when he washed his homies' feet. I have no proof of anything, and I doubt that you do. I doubt that you were there when he came back to life with all the lighting effects in the background. What makes you believe is faith. What makes other people believe is faith. So who are you to say that your faith is right, and theirs isn't?
Here's a story: I was raised Catholic, until a couple years ago when my family and I turned Christian. At those times, I used to think to myself that I was totally going to chill out in heaven after I die because I believe in God. But I always wondered why there were other religions. I always thought that they were stupid for not believing Christianity. I always thought that their lives were headed only for eternal damnation, and then it hit me. Like what someone very close to me had said, my mind, like a blooming flower, opened up. I realized that how true my beliefs were to me, were just as true as what their beliefs were to them. I was raised Christian, so I thought like a Christian. If I were raised as a Muslim, I'd probably be praying 5 times a day, and I probably would've never known the taste of pork. If I were raised Jewish, I'd probably be sitting on a tree stump, just waiting for the messiah. If I were raised a Satanist, I probably would've lost my virginity at the age of 10 (not that Satanists do that. But you know, pleasure is a gift for them). I'm not saying that all these religious people are like this, I'm just saying that this is probably what I'd be like if I were raised under their religions.
I'm not telling you to stop believing in what you believe. I'm not telling you to start believing what I believe. I'm telling you to believe what you want to, and let other people believe what they wish as well.

So off of that topic, and now we go on to our last one. My religion. Pretty vain, yeah? But there are still lessons beneath it. You just read on.
I don't consider myself an antichrist. I'm not against your gods, or your beliefs. I'm against religion. I'm against this vanity, this hypocrisy, this self-righteousness, this narrow-mindedness, this waste of time.
I don't hate you, or your beliefs, but I do hate what you people do with them. You use your religions as an excuse for everything. You rub your beliefs in other people's faces, and you judge other people who don't agree with you. You say that other people will never be "saved" because they don't worship your god.
I'm against the practice of it all. I'm against going to mass so that your leaders could feed you with all their opinions so that you could take them in and believe in them as facts. I'm against teaching religion and all this spiritual health bullshit in schools. I'm against giving money to your religious factions just so they could be fed and just so they could make more buildings to gather at. I'm against praying for every single thing you want, and every single thing you do.
You could all do so much better things with your money and your time. Instead of praying before a big test, why not study your ass off? Instead of giving your money to the Catholic priests, why not give them to the starving kids in the streets? Instead of giving money to your churches so they could make more churches, why not give them to orphanages and programs that make houses for people without homes? Instead of taking up a theology course in college to add up to the unnecessarily large number of priests and pastors, why not take up medicine and save lives? Look at the Vatican. Look at their buildings, their statues, their museums and everything in them. These are the same people who preach humility, and yet look.
I don't know what religion I would fall under. I'm no Catholic, or Deist, or Atheist, or Satanist, or Jew, or Mormon, Scientologist, Muslim, or whatever. I don't really know, and to be honest, I don't care. It's just another label. I believe in what I want to believe, not what other people tell me to.

So what's my religion? I don't really know. All I know is what I believe in. I don't have a name for it, because I don't need a name for it. I'm not a preacher that would go around declaring my beliefs as the way to salvation. I'm just a self-righteous, dork of a potato who sits behind a laptop while listening to loud music all day.

___________________________________

So, that's kind of all for today.
To be honest, I was trying to sound like
an Englishman, but then I kind of lost it as
I wrote on. But anyways,
Cheerio

A Promise Kept

8/14/11
6:52 pm

I'm back for the second time today. Surprised, aren't you? Well, I did say that I wasn't done yet. Although this blog will be very different from the rest. This blog will be quite person. This blog will have a few of my poems in it. This blog is special, just like her.

________________________________

I used to not believe in love. I used to think that love was just overly exaggerated affection. I used to think that love was just an excuse for people to do stupid things. I used to think that love was just a stupid excuse for people to make up bullshit occasions. But you see, all that changed. It all changed because of one person. The very same person I dedicate this post to.

All my life, I've been an asshole of the highest caliber. Even until this day, I am still an anus, although I'm just less of an anus than before. It's because of one person. My love. My life. My one true inspiration. And that's saying a lot, because I am not the kind of person who is very open to change. And yet without even trying, she made me feel the need to become a better person, or at least to try and become what I think a better person would be. It's hard, but I try.

This day marks the 10th month of our relationship (bullshit occasion), which is the longest relationship we've both had. We're both so far away from each other, and yet instead of growing apart, our bond strengthens each and every day. And I'll wait until we can be together again, because one thing I've learned from the short time we were able to spend together was that she's the greatest joy in my life. The half year I spent with her was filled with so much more joy than I've ever felt in my entire life. And I can still remember it all from start to finish. What you did to me.

Dancing with the Dead
Breathed into clay
Giving life to the living dead
From her gorgeous face
Everyday. Again and again

In a singsong voice
She wakes the dead
An affectionate zombie
A little monster named…

Your lips taste caffeine
Bloody steel candy
Bring me to life
Hold on to me

A night on concrete
The stars won’t nod
Lovely necromancy
It’s still necrophilia

Dance of the dead
With shaking heads
Kill off the lights
Bring me back to life

You are my inspiration. You inspire not only my poetry, not only my writing, not only my music, but my whole life. You inspire me to live.

She Puts the Arm in Armstrong

In conversations, deep as poetry
Because my beautiful moon always shines on me
The one gorgeous face of the moon

Every word he spits out
It’s like a song
And every sentence,
A mystery
Confused and ignorant,
They drown him in mockery

So my moon, come back
My moon, I need you back
I’m blind to your face
Where have you gone?
My dear, come back
Darling, I need you back
I’m just a pool
I can’t feel your pull

Your pull that brings me up
Away from my seafloor
Where simplicity lies
And that explained my life

So what’s so special about a puddle?
So close to the ground like a shower
Without you I’m meaningless
And couldn’t get any shallower

A sea, an ocean
With schools of meaning
As low a remnant
Of minutes of raining
Without you I survive
With tragic crying
A puddle of tears
Cause of my fears
My moon, please fix me

You're the most amazing person I've ever met. You're talented, kind-hearted, understanding, forgiving, gorgeous, and so much more. If I were to write down every single thing I love about you, I don't think even a website as big as Google could hold in my blog post. You're just beautiful, inside and out. No matter how many words I use to describe you, or my love for you, nothing is ever enough. I always feel as if there are still some points I haven't yet made.

Beyond Perfect
That unexplainable fragrance of yours
To be found nowhere else on this earth
Nowhere on this earth is there a word
You’re just too good for this world

Your smile if proof
That perfect isn’t perfect enough for you
And your brown eyes
That started this great story
Unusually strange
Bearing divine beauty

Oh, Juliet, my darling
How could you be so daring
As to walk this earth
Oh, baby doll, my dear
You make life so clear
You are beyond perfect
Despite the hearts you collect

You speak a million songs
And sing a million more
Although your words are light
You can lighten up any fight

On your white skin
In this beautiful sin
You just love my art
And the art you move in
Forgive the devil
Cure his evil
You listen to what I say
While the whole world
Heaven and hell turn away

Although this is all hard, this situation we're in. But no matter what happens, I could never get myself to give up on you. Giving up on you would be just the same as giving up on life. I'd rather be dead that to live without you in my life. But then again, I'd love to be dead. Just sleeping forever in peace, never to wake up to this cruel world. But you make it all worthwhile.

All for You
An angel lives on your white skin
It’s a wonder that you give me your everything
Sing your lullabies to the blackest sheep
Inside and out
Shallow and skin-deep

It’s not just your bones
It’s not just your childish tone
It’s all that you are and all that you do
Be it hidden or shown
It’s all true

What else could I give?
What else could I do?
If love is sacrifice
I’d give it all for you
The air is toxic
I always feel so sick
But if you’ll grieve my death
Then I shall keep this breath

I give you the peace from my mind
Make you my life and leave bonds behind
Don’t worry, you’ll always be mine, hun
From midnight moon
To the morning sun

It’s not just your body
Oh, it’s everything, honey
It’s all that you are and all that you do
No matter what
I’d give it all for you

And although how horrible of a person I am, you still put up with me. Your patience is astounding, and so is your love. This is one of the million reasons I love you so much. You can put up with someone as horrible as me. A monster of a man. Thank you.

Beautiful Shame
I will be your beautiful shame
I will happily take all the blame
And I know that you can anytime go
But you don’t
You love your very sorrow

Do they hear of me?
Do you speak of me?
I need not ask
As a total ass I spy
Because of the life of lies

Thank you from your beautiful shame
Thank you for loving me the same
Way I do
The world on your back
And my heart full of black
Thank you

I’m nothing but dismay
Yet I’m perfect in every way
And you know you’re right
But throughout the fight
We stay
Love always the same

Heartbreak from cynicism
And all you hear is my pessimism
And my tears call forth your own
Yet forever you will moan for me
My beautiful and lovely

We may not last forever, for I believe that nothing is forever. But all that matters to me is that we're together now, and right now is all I care about. And who knows? Maybe we could last a lifetime, which is like, just as good as forever.

Éternelle Lumière

Sadly oceans apart
Now a mere breath is from a heavy heart
I awake with grief but with no despair
Because my sleep is no better than conscious air

Thoughts must remain as shallow as rain
While my mind is aloof and far off
Because deep in reality lies the pain
And my gloom only adds to these seas

Although with a simple glimmer of your teeth
And with the flight of your cheeks
Whenever you easily smile with your eyes
I’m reminded why I live this life

You are the ink of my pen
With which I write down my being
And no matter how tired and sore
I will live to see the day I hold you once more

_________________________________________

I love you.
Ti amo
Je t'aime
And thank you,
Anjeanette.

1 Jed 13: 4-8

8/14/11
6:02 pm

It's that day of the month again. And no, I'm not talking about menstruation or anything, you cheeky bastards. It's the 14th. The 14th may not mean anything to any of you, but it means a lot to me. What could be so special about the 14th day of every month? Memory.

___________________________________________

For tonight, I'll be talking about something that you young people would surely be very interested in. This topic will get your hearts throbbing as if you had eaten a whole bag of sour candy worms alongside a whole keg of coffee. This topic will get you thinking as much as Isaac Newton when that apple hit him in the head. This topic will stretch out your smile to the point that the corners of your lips would be inside your ears. Tonight, I'll be talking about romance and romantic relationships.

Romance. Love. Affection. Captivation. Infatuation. These are all feelings we experience, especially when we are in our youthful stage. Puberty. We get attracted to other people. We fall in love. We fall out of it. Then we get infatuated by the next person we see, and the cycle goes around all over again. Until that one person stops the cycle (for most people).

I used to be like a lot of young guys I see today. I always thought about girls. I would go outside my house, and the first thing I would think about would be meeting girls. I had girlfriends come and go, getting sick of them after a couple weeks at most. I was foolish, insensitive, and selfish -- but aren't we all? We all just want to be happy.
But how glad am I that I've changed from the way I had used to be. I'm happily taken by the most amazing person in the world, and I wouldn't have it any other way. She saved me from myself, although not the same self that used other people for his own happiness. She saved me from living a dull, worthless, colorless life that was heading towards nothing but death. I love her more than anything and anyone in the world.

But of course my feelings could change. Her feelings could change as well. In this world, nothing lasts forever... well, almost nothing. There is only one thing I am certain will never change, and that is death. Death is eternal. Once you are dead, you do not come back to life. Once death's scythe rips your life out of your body, you will be gone forever. But of course, that's just what I believe.

But I digress.

People would probably have different levels of love. Different definitions. Different ways of expressing it. Different ways of feeling it. Let's not be self-righteous assholes, and let us not judge other people's relationships. If you find yourself thinking and caring so much about what other people feel for each other, that only means one thing: you need to get into your own relationship.
You look at a couple who rock hard in their beds all day, make out wherever they can, and you think, "ugh. What idiots. That's not love. That's lust." If you think like this, sir, or ma'am, you need to mind your own business. People feel differently from everyone, one way or another. Take a look at what I think:
I wouldn't die for my girlfriend, and I have my own reasons. One would be because I believe that death is beautiful as it is eternal peace. I'd kill myself any day, but the one reason I'm still alive is because I know that when I'm dead, the pain wouldn't be mine, but for those who actually love me. I won't be around anymore to live through the pain, but my girlfriend would, and I would never want her to ever go through any kind of pain. But not readily giving my life for her doesn't mean that I don't love her. You just have your own idea of love, and I have mine.
Now let's go to what you all want to hear:

We're still young. People tell us to ignore these feelings we have, because they're just feelings that shouldn't be taken seriously. People tell us to focus on our studies and to brush off these emotions in our hearts, because they will only interfere with our studies. Well, let me tell you what. When my girlfriend and I got together, both our grades got higher. So what sorcery is that? Back to the point though:
Age is nothing but a number. I see teenagers more in love than married adults. I see kids more in love than a teenage couple. It has nothing to do with age. A number does not measure responsibility. Responsibility measures responsibility.

Next, gender. Who says that a man can't love another man? Who says that a woman can't love another woman? Your god? Let me tell you what, I'm pretty sure your god didn't tell you this. Your teacher, or parent, or religious leader told you this. Anyone can fall in love with anyone. Anyone is free to be in a relationship with whoever they wish.

Next, race. Well, it's pretty self-explanatory. Let's just remember what Michael Jackson said: "Doesn't matter if you're black or white." It doesn't matter, you racists fucks! You could be Asian, European, American, African, or even a motherflipping Martian.

So to sum that all up, I end with a saying: love knows no race, color, or gender. If you ask me what love means, I would only say that love is the feeling of attraction. But if you ask me how you could find out that you're in love, then I would have no answer for you. Only you could know whether it's love that you feel, or if it's just infatuation, or if it's just lust. Nobody can get inside your mind and feel what you feel. It's just you. Love is just love.

_______________________________________

So there you have it.
Love in my eyes. Although this is just a short
and simple definition. I could expand it and say a whole
lot more, but I choose not to.
Why not?
Parce que je n'ai jeu, mes chiennes
Although this is not yet goodnight.
It's the 14th. It's not over.

The Beauty in the Beast

August 7, 2011
7:45 pm

Konbanwa. Did you miss me? I'm really sorry for my very long absence. These past couple weeks haven't been very good to me, but then again, when is life ever good to me? I just make the most out of my bullshit existence.

____________________________________

Actually, no. The reason I've been gone is because no worthwhile topic has been coming to mind. I think I've already used up all my ideas. That was until a few days ago when my brain hatched an idea one morning in school... but then I got too lazy to write, until now.

So tonight, the topic is an abstract thing. It's another thing that is so very often present in society's everyday conversations and rituals and whatever. It starts with a letter, B, and it rhymes with the word, "fruity". No, it's not boobie. It's beauty.

Have you ever heard of the saying: "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"? Of course you have. It's said over and over and over again. and pretty much especially by people to people who they think are ugly. Well, have you ever heard of the saying: "Everybody is an idiot except for myself"? Of course not. I just made it up, but it's pretty much almost everyone's way of thinking.

So, beauty. Everyone has their own concept of beauty, so don't go around calling people ugly or hideous. Everyone is ugly to at least one person, and everyone is beautiful to at least one person -- maybe. Even if your ears are cylindrical, 20 inches long, and with a circumference of 1cm, you could still be gorgeous... to insects with antennae. But seriously, beauty does not have any criteria to match, or any absolute standards to meet. It all depends on the person. It all depends on the beholder. So take your long-ass antennae and strut it in front of your cockroach admirers.

Look at the different races. You may not realize it, but my point is already very present and obvious here in our country, the gem of the east. How? Have you noticed how foreign men, usually the Caucasians, often prefer dark-skinned wives? The very women who we, Filipinos, very rarely get attracted to. Why is that? It's because they have different perspectives of beauty from us. We all have different perspectives, really.
Look at the African countries. I'm not trying to be racist, okay? I hate racism, but just look at the African countries. The less-civilized countries, because those are the ones I know at least a little about. Their tribes. Do you see their women? They see those women as beautiful, while we don't. Why? Because beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

What's my concept of beauty? Hmm. Well, mine is pretty simple and general. It's not absolute, but here's my very frequent judgement when it comes to rating of the (beauty) appearances of men and women. First, females:

• If I find you ugly, then, I just find you repulsive.
• If I say that you are not ugly, then you're probably attractive to quite a number of guys.
• If I say that you're beautiful or pretty, then you're a celebrity, or just not someone I know personally.
• Now, if I say that you are gorgeous, then you are my girlfriend. And I have only one, so I find only one person gorgeous. It's not that I think everyone else is ugly. It's just that compared to her, nobody can ever come near.

As for males:

• If I say you're ugly, then I surely don't mean it. I may just be pulling your leg.
• If I say you're not ugly, then you're either probably very attractive to most girls, or unnecessarily picked on by most kids. I like defending the weak. I'm one of you.
• If I say you're handsome, then you're a celebrity. That's that. Or you're my friend. I don't choose my friends though. It's not like I only hang out with handsome guys. It's just that, when you gain my friendship, you become beautiful to my eyes. You don't have to look like Leonardo Di Caprio. You just have to have the beauty I consider worth keeping close to me, and it's not appearances. Wait, I guess I do choose my friends.

Now, I'm not saying that if I think you're ugly, then you're ugly. Of course not. I may just not see it. I mean, I'm the kind of guy who would see Megan Fox naked while playing Oblivion, and yet I would rather watch my TV screen than see that celebrity's bare body. Why? Because I love Oblivion. And because I'm taken. Every other female, no matter how famous they are for their looks, is just another girl. And if you're just another girl, then that only means one thing. You're not my sweet, beloved darling. And if you're not her, then to my eyes, you look exactly the same as every other girl.

If someone tells you that you're ugly, then smile and let the insult pass your heart. Don't let it get to you, because what's one person's opinion, when there are billions of other people in the world? If someone tells you that you're beautiful, while the whole world tells you that you're hideous, then smile and thank them for the compliment. Be happy because having that one person who sees the beauty in you means that the remaining billions of people could be wrong.
It's up to you whether to believe them or not. But I'm telling you that if you live your life like me, not seeing any hint of beauty in yourself, then you'll probably end up like me. And trust me, you would never want to be like me.

_______________________________

That's it. It's all pretty sloppy, but just read it.
If you don't get it the first time you read it,
then read it all again. If you still don't get it the second time,
then read it a third time. If still nothing gets to you,
then turn off your computer, or your laptop, or whatever
the hell you're using, and go to sleep.
This blog is really different from the rest because
it has a very inspirational feel. Why is that?
It's because that everyone is ugly.
But at the same time, everyone is beautiful.
Night.