2:41pm
It's early in the afternoon for a change, and I'm pretty messed up.
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Like I said, I'm pretty messed up. I can't tell whether I'm depressed, or furious, or just plain confused.
You see, earlier in church, our pastor told us a story that happened to his family years back. His daughter was raped by nine armed men in the past in their own house while he and his wife were out. And the moment I heard that, I fell silent for a short time until mixed thoughts and emotions just exploded inside my head. It really got me thinking.
Before he told the story, he talked about these types of religious mindsets, and Deism was one of them. That was the first time I heard about it, but the moment he explained it, my mind lit up. I had been thinking like a Deist for such a long time now, and I only found out now. At least now I know that I'm not alone.
In church, I seemed to be the only one who was actually affected greatly by the pastor's story. The religious speaker cried a little when he told of his tale, but he carried on with the sermon as if it meant nothing at all. I also looked around the auditorium, and yet everyone seemed to be as joyous as they always are. Even my family didn't seem to care one bit when I talked to it about them. It drove me even more confused, and I felt as if I was being kept from a secret that the whole world knew about.
Everyone was thinking that it was all part of "God's will". The pastor's daughter eventually used the horrible experience and turned it into a perk for her job. She's a councilor and since she knows what it's like, she know what she's talking about. It all turned out great, right? I wouldn't know, but I do think that all this talk about plans and wills is bullshit.
There is a god, and I believe that. The god I believe in is believed to look after the universe and is believed to control everything that happens in it. This god I believe in is supposedly all-good, all-knowing, and all-powerful. This god is supposed to love every single one of his creations, but I just don't feel it.
You take a look outside, and you see how wicked this world is. You stay inside, and the news of all the impurities and evils of the outside world still reach you. Doesn't it make you wonder why these things happen? Don't you get confused? Don't you ask yourself why all these things are happening when you believe in a powerful deity that's supposed to love you and take care of you? But if you ask for help, all you get is this: "It's God's will."
What is "God's will"? Is it an all-good god's will for people to get raped, or starve to death, or get mugged, or get killed, or get hurt, or get sick, or for powerful people to stomp over the lives of the lower-class citizens? That's something I just can't believe.
If there is a god, then I believe that he has nothing to do with whatever happens with our lives. Good things and bad things happen, but can we credit him for both? Can we just praise him when we win the lottery, then curse him when we get mugged? Or maybe can we praise him for giving us a gorgeous celebrity daughter, then praise him for letting her get raped to boost her popularity? Maybe it's his will, right?
The way I see it, nobody can explain how these mystical deities work, and yet everyone keeps trying. Telling a child that a mass murder is part of "God's plan" is to me like a kid telling his friends that he has a supermodel girlfriend, but refuses to show her to them because he wants to keep her a secret. "It's good, and I don't need to prove it to you. Just accept that it's all good."
It would be more acceptable to me to have a god that created us and let us live our lives by ourselves, then to have a god that lets us smile for a while, then get raped later on. I'm not going to call myself a Deist, because I don't know much about it yet, and it's just another label. I'll believe what I want to believe without intentionally bending my mind to adjust to rules and fixed laws.
These are just my opinions and I'm not saying that I'm right and you're wrong. We're all right somehow, I guess. The reason I blog about this is because this is how I can really think clearly about what is going on inside my head. As these words pour out of my mind, I get to really contemplate on them and clear up my thinking. And also because pretty much nobody else would listen to what I have to say anyways.
In the car going back home from church, I opened it up as a topic. I told my mom a little bit of what I thought, and I just knew that everyone in the car thought I was an idiot. My sister just told me to shut up, my dad was singing the ending song of the serve, and I just knew that my mom just wanted me to staple my lips together. They thought that I just couldn't see the truth, but am I really the one who is blind? Are they sure that they're not delusional in thinking that rape, murder, starvation, poverty, and a long-ass list of wickedness are parts of a loving and caring god?
Well, at least they have peace of mind.
You see, earlier in church, our pastor told us a story that happened to his family years back. His daughter was raped by nine armed men in the past in their own house while he and his wife were out. And the moment I heard that, I fell silent for a short time until mixed thoughts and emotions just exploded inside my head. It really got me thinking.
Before he told the story, he talked about these types of religious mindsets, and Deism was one of them. That was the first time I heard about it, but the moment he explained it, my mind lit up. I had been thinking like a Deist for such a long time now, and I only found out now. At least now I know that I'm not alone.
In church, I seemed to be the only one who was actually affected greatly by the pastor's story. The religious speaker cried a little when he told of his tale, but he carried on with the sermon as if it meant nothing at all. I also looked around the auditorium, and yet everyone seemed to be as joyous as they always are. Even my family didn't seem to care one bit when I talked to it about them. It drove me even more confused, and I felt as if I was being kept from a secret that the whole world knew about.
Everyone was thinking that it was all part of "God's will". The pastor's daughter eventually used the horrible experience and turned it into a perk for her job. She's a councilor and since she knows what it's like, she know what she's talking about. It all turned out great, right? I wouldn't know, but I do think that all this talk about plans and wills is bullshit.
There is a god, and I believe that. The god I believe in is believed to look after the universe and is believed to control everything that happens in it. This god I believe in is supposedly all-good, all-knowing, and all-powerful. This god is supposed to love every single one of his creations, but I just don't feel it.
You take a look outside, and you see how wicked this world is. You stay inside, and the news of all the impurities and evils of the outside world still reach you. Doesn't it make you wonder why these things happen? Don't you get confused? Don't you ask yourself why all these things are happening when you believe in a powerful deity that's supposed to love you and take care of you? But if you ask for help, all you get is this: "It's God's will."
What is "God's will"? Is it an all-good god's will for people to get raped, or starve to death, or get mugged, or get killed, or get hurt, or get sick, or for powerful people to stomp over the lives of the lower-class citizens? That's something I just can't believe.
If there is a god, then I believe that he has nothing to do with whatever happens with our lives. Good things and bad things happen, but can we credit him for both? Can we just praise him when we win the lottery, then curse him when we get mugged? Or maybe can we praise him for giving us a gorgeous celebrity daughter, then praise him for letting her get raped to boost her popularity? Maybe it's his will, right?
The way I see it, nobody can explain how these mystical deities work, and yet everyone keeps trying. Telling a child that a mass murder is part of "God's plan" is to me like a kid telling his friends that he has a supermodel girlfriend, but refuses to show her to them because he wants to keep her a secret. "It's good, and I don't need to prove it to you. Just accept that it's all good."
It would be more acceptable to me to have a god that created us and let us live our lives by ourselves, then to have a god that lets us smile for a while, then get raped later on. I'm not going to call myself a Deist, because I don't know much about it yet, and it's just another label. I'll believe what I want to believe without intentionally bending my mind to adjust to rules and fixed laws.
These are just my opinions and I'm not saying that I'm right and you're wrong. We're all right somehow, I guess. The reason I blog about this is because this is how I can really think clearly about what is going on inside my head. As these words pour out of my mind, I get to really contemplate on them and clear up my thinking. And also because pretty much nobody else would listen to what I have to say anyways.
In the car going back home from church, I opened it up as a topic. I told my mom a little bit of what I thought, and I just knew that everyone in the car thought I was an idiot. My sister just told me to shut up, my dad was singing the ending song of the serve, and I just knew that my mom just wanted me to staple my lips together. They thought that I just couldn't see the truth, but am I really the one who is blind? Are they sure that they're not delusional in thinking that rape, murder, starvation, poverty, and a long-ass list of wickedness are parts of a loving and caring god?
Well, at least they have peace of mind.
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You guys (or guy, since probably just one person reads this)
may want to look up Deism if you wish.
It would help you understand the blog better.
And who knows, maybe you would agree with me.
But I'm no Deist.
I'm just me.
may want to look up Deism if you wish.
It would help you understand the blog better.
And who knows, maybe you would agree with me.
But I'm no Deist.
I'm just me.
a lot of people is actually reading your blog,keep up the good work :)))
ReplyDeleteyour blog is really nice. And surely a lot read your work :)
ReplyDeleteyou may not believe on what I'm about to say right now..but still I wanna share my opinions. You mentioned that God loves every single creature that he made and you actually think that it is God's will when people are raped or killed. I was also confused once but I asked a dependable and wise master about those things and it somehow explains everything. Yeah, true..God loves everything he made..so do you think that he would permit something bad to happen on the things he loved the most? The people getting killed on an accident or even killed intentionally by someone is a way of God saying to them that their time's up. They are destined to die on that certain time,place or incident. And I think(only my opinion), that It is the poor people's fault that they are being abused by someone. They depend on God and forget to help theirselves. So as I was saying, it was purely destiny that is responsible in "some" of the things that's happening around us and mostlyy people's imperfections. Well that's what you get from a 15 year old's perspective :D Sorry for confusing you more.
ReplyDeleteOh my. This reply is late as shit. lol. Sorry. I really don't check the comments. Well, it's not confusing at all. I used to be Catholic and then Born Again, so I get your perspective. I understand what you're trying to say, but I just can't believe it.
ReplyDelete